A Full Schedule

Darling, my post-college experience would be meaningless without you, what with my lack of a job or friends in Chicago, but you leave my life feeling lush and wonderfully significant. Imagine what my adult life would be like if I did not have the Munsters to greet me when I rolled out of bed at 10 A.M., or on less productive days, the Bradys at 11:00. As I poor the expired milk on the remaining crumbs of cereal in the bottom of the box, I watch with fascination the episode where the family vacations to Hawaii, and the kids get kidnapped by Vincent Price.

After I watch the second episode of the Brady Bunch, it is already noon and time for my first beer of the day. I hurry back, so I do not miss any of Family Ties, but scarcely pay attention to either episode, for I am so excited to see Ritchie, Ralph, Fonzie and the rest of the gang at 1 P.M. I am almost equally excited to head down to the corner bar and see the Coach, Cliff and Sam at 2:00 sharp, but by that time I am usually four or five beers in and fall asleep. However, I always make sure I am awake for Happy Days again at 5:00 or at the very latest for the third showing at 6:00, where I always learn valuable life lessons such as smokin' ain't cool.

From 7-9 P.M., I usually drift off again or channel surf, often settling on infomercials or drawn into the captivating world of the MeToo marathons. 9:00 P.M. finds me in Seattle with the Frasier family, and by 9:30 I head up to the East side to visit the Jeffersons. At 10 P.M. every night, I end up in vastly different landscapes, for anywhere can be the Twilight Zone, but by 10:30 I always know I will be in Manhatten with Elaine, George, Kramer, Jerry, and...Newman. By 11:30 I am getting sleepy, but stay awake for Taxi, then promptly fall asleep feeling satisfied with my momentous existence.